Heidi's Blog

Wednesday, October 15, 2008, 09:37 AM ( 3 views )  - Posted by Heidi
“Dreams, ideas, and plans not only are an escape, they give me purpose, a reason to hang on.”

Life happens when I want it to and when I don’t. I seem to be locked up in a heap of confusion that needs sorting , the weight of the task is too much, and the days click by. I am not sure if everyone feels this way or it is unique to the grief over J.T. because I can no longer remember life’s simplicities before our tragedy. Each day is overwhelmed with thoughts of conquering and surviving the moment at hand, so consuming that making plans for the future doesn’t have room to squeeze into the process. I think often, If I am so engrossed with surviving the moment, how can I enjoy it or learn from it?

Thursday, October 2, 2008, 10:44 AM ( 4 views )  - Posted by Heidi
I think of J.T. every moment of everyday. He is in, I think, the foremost of all of our thoughts. The memories collectively make a real chapter in the book of our lives. Lately I have found myself needing more. More memories and stories I don’t have. The children and I were talking yesterday on our way to town about the things J.T. said and what he did and we found ourselves lost in a moment of reliving the perfection we once took for granted. I know anyone that knew him has a moment, a memory a story that hopefully now brings comfort. So I ask you to Remember to remember and to send them my way.

Thursday, October 2, 2008, 09:55 AM ( 44 views )  - Posted by Heidi
A friend sent me this e mail containing a more accurate warning label. Imagine if this were on the “Death Machine”?


When riding this ATV, UTV, Side By Side, or whatever we choose to refer to it as at this time we wanted you to keep in mind the risk you are assuming! Even though we have designed it to look safe please keep in mind that it is just a look. We actually chose to make it too narrow and top heavy so the illusion of safety is just that, an illusion. Because of inherent design flaws this machine has a propensity to roll over at low speeds even on flat surfaces. Beware that during this rollover you could experience DEATH like the 10 children on the website www.jtcrow.net. If you are now saying to yourself I will not put my children on it and just ride it myself please keep in mind you could also experience death or maiming like the countless other adult consumers who have chosen to ride this machine. This rollover happens without warning even to the most experienced riders and can leave your family in a constant and permanent state of pain and frustration.

Monday, September 22, 2008, 09:11 AM ( 39 views )  - Posted by Heidi
It’s been a while since I have posted. Perhaps because I have just been shattered. It seems to me now that every emotional bump in the road just breaks me, once again, into a million pieces. J.T.’s 11th birthday was on the 19th and ever since I have been sitting in the dark trying to work this infuriating puzzle of putting myself back together. Maybe my strength lies only on the surface because emotionally this roads has given me no relief or maybe strength is being able to pick up the pieces and put them back together every time, I am not sure. I know this time I long for help, waiting in this overwhelming pile of myself alone and in the cloak of constant night for an extended hand of someone who can see past the illusion of strength to help me bear my load because the road has become long and lonely and the shattered pieces, too much for one.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008, 04:39 PM ( 7 views )  - Posted by Heidi
I have taught my children so many things though out the years. The simple things, how to brush their teeth, go potty, tie their shoes, say please and thank you. But these things pale in comparison to what my children have taught me. From my oldest, Madison, I have learned to hold my chin up high in the face of opposition. She has this way of showing the world her strength and opinion with confidence and pride. From my youngest, Kenny, I have learned to speak up. “Hey look at me! Watch what I can do!” His voice always loud and clear as he states his intentions. Then there is J.T. the beloved angel who taught me courage and compassion because he was never afraid and giving, to him, came naturally. Collectively they have taught me faith because in them I see God’s beauty and promise. So it is for our Children…no, our Teachers that I say enough! Enough of these beautiful beings, who have only begun to give to this world, being taken from us. Enough painful e-mails pouring in telling the same story over and over again. It is time to stand and say enough so that we can continue to learn from those who teach us life’s most valuable lessons.

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