Heidi's Blog

Tuesday, August 12, 2008, 09:19 PM ( 10 views )  - Posted by Heidi
Two of my closest friends are people that I have never set eyes on. It is our unfortunate circumstances that threw us together in this world. Circumstances I think we would all agree that we would give up everyone we know or everything we have to reverse. They too have lost a child, Ellie. Recently Ellie’s Mom sent me a beautiful e- mail about her daughter that explained what happened to her. She was a wonderfully vibrant and loving little girl with a kind spirit and open heart that reminds me so of J.T. Her e-mail follows:

Ellie was a beautiful 10-yr old blonde-haired blue eyed girl who absolutely loved
life. Ellie had many passions, she loved tennis, horseback riding, dancing,
dirt biking, hiking, reading the Bible to older folks, playing with her girlfriends,
Cousins, brothers and of course, playing with her baby sister. Ellie reached out
and grabbed life and always "figured out a way” to make happen what she wanted to
make happen. We miss her vibrance and zest for living very much On October 27,
2007 Ellie was at a friend's house and went for a ride on a Yamaha, Rhino. Ellie
was the passenger and was buckled in. The Rhino was being driven at a normal speed
on a completely flat field. The driver went to make a turn when for no reason the
Rhino tipped on Ellie and pinned her to the ground crushing her. She was air-cared
to the hospital where we were told she would not survive. In memory of Ellie's kind
and loving way we chose to donate her organs to other children who needed her help!

It is our belief that this vehicle is poorly designed and should never have tipped
over. It is narrow, too high off the ground, and top heavy and the seat belts do
not hold a child in. The seat belts hold you from going forward not going side ways.
This tragedy should have never happened to our family. What was once a happy
family of seven (7) is now a downtrodden family of (6).

Saturday, July 19, 2008, 07:58 PM ( 8 views )  - Posted by Heidi
What you look for in life you will surely find, but which direction you look is up to you.
-Arthur Gordon

There is no way out, only a way forward. - Michael Hollingsworth

I have been railing at this thick steel dead bolted door marked past for too long now. Kicking and screaming “Let Me In!” longing for what’s behind me the known, the familiar. It has got me pondering that old sang for every door that closes another door opens. Perhaps all around me doors have opened but I have been to comfortable in blanket of black anger and fear to venture forward and find them, to attached to my door marked past to look for the one marked possibility. So today I realize that I stand at the threshold of a new life and I can be still or move forward those are my only choices. Forward is the new land into unknown adventure and unknown territory. Forward is the only path to possibility.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008, 10:57 AM ( 2 views )  - Posted by Heidi
Fight for me because I no longer can
Let your mouth say my words
And your hands be my hands

Use your life to make this world a better place for all
Walk each step as I would walk
I will lift you up when you fall

Tell my story as only you can with a sweet mother’s pride
I will smile down on you for strength
And soon the truth wont be denied

See the world as I saw it with innocents and light
Feel my love in your heart
As you continue this fight

Sunday, July 6, 2008, 09:51 PM ( 34 views )  - Posted by Heidi
One's first step in wisdom is to question everything - and one's last is to come to terms with everything.
- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

I’m not exactly sure if we ever come to terms with the loss of a child or if we as human beings can comprehend the unknown. Faith of course tells me I should know my little boy is “in a better place” but how do I know without holding him in my arms or tucking him in at night? How can I ever believe that the place he had here wasn’t the best place for him? A place where someone knew how he liked his hamburgers without cheese or mustard, a place where a look was interpreted without conversation, a place where love flowed onto him religiously and unconditionally. I think I have decided until the day comes when I can see for myself this place that we refer to as better I will continue to question everything.

Monday, June 30, 2008, 09:28 AM ( 4 views )  - Posted by Heidi
I woke up early this morning before the hum of traffic on the Seawall could obstruct a view of the baby blue and orange sky touching the deep blue of the ocean on the horizon. I watched the white capped waves roll in while the seagulls hungrily squawked good morning. The crash of the waves momentarily snuffing out the burning pain in my heart. I was graciously reminded once again of the healing power of God’s nature because for once I let go of the could haves, the should haves, and the what if’s and clung to the possibility of what might be. I pictured us all together walking on that sandy beach, the waves tickling our toes and the sun illuminating J.T.’s golden skin I reached down and ruffled his soft blonde hair and said “I’ve missed you baby” and he simply replied “I’ve been here all along”.

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