Heidi's Blog

Wednesday, June 24, 2009, 11:43 PM ( 56 views )  - Posted by Heidi
I have learned that two years without my Son brings no more peace than it does pain. In my constant battle, with one or the other perpetually crashing into me, I have discovered a new wave of sorts. This one doesn’t slam into me, and the others in grief around me, but it consumes us. I can’t put my finger on exactly what it is, but my Dad told me a story on the night of the 22nd that can sum it up. It was around 8:30 when he called and the sadness had pinched and poked at me all day. I was just settling in to join it and begin torturing myself by spreading all the pictures out on the floor to study J.T.’s eyes trying to discover some emotion I hadn’t seen before when the phone rang. It was Dad asking me how I was doing and I responded “…oh I’m alright, what are you up to?” His voice suddenly changed from that calm mild mannered Dad voice and took on a more mischievous tone when he said “Guess what I did today!?” Now I have to admit this intrigued me because Dad is by no means a boring guy, but he is smart, even tempered, and dependable. So for my 63 year old Dad to tell me that he rode his bike behind the park to a place where there are motor cross trails made me laugh. He said he rode over the fifteen foot drops at full speed ahead, then he told me that one hill got the best of him and that he fell off and his back now looks like hamburger, but he just got back up shouted J.T.’s signature “woo-hoo!” and kept going. I didn’t have to ask why he did it, I knew it was for J.T. I knew J.T. was the only grandchild Dad has that could convince him to ride those trails, and I knew it was the very spirit of J.T. that had slammed into Dad and instead of knocking him down, consumed him. Dad ended the conversation by telling me he was fine, he knew I would get a kick out of it and it actually made him feel great. Perhaps a couple of hours spent with the adventurous spirit of J.T. consuming us we would all feel a little better and I found myself contented to discover it has the ability to do so.

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