This is the time of year when I feel lost in a deep and heavy sadness. I keep reliving a time only two short years ago. It was the end of the school year and the kids were excited. We spent our time preparing for end of the year activities, Field Day, Awards Ceremonies, the last day of school, and making our summer plans. Life was effortless, the days filled with swimming of our dock and eating sandwiches outside, all my little ducks in a row, one, two…three. Now I live a little lost in what was, spending my time whishing I was back in those simple moments. We still try to enjoy the dock but the memories are heavy and the lake feels like swimming in wet concrete now, the picnics have grown quiet because we don’t know what plans to make and J.T. can’t come along. It seems sad I know, to hear that the weight of grief still sucks some of the joy out of the present but without those blue eyes and that yellow surf board, that front flip before the splash, life just isn’t the same. My joy is in the past and my mind keeps rewinding to it just to try and borrow a smile.