Heidi's Blog

Tuesday, February 17, 2009, 09:11 AM ( 45 views )  - Posted by Heidi
These past few days I have definitely felt like I am being challenged to discover my feelings about God and the murder of my son. Challenged through those close to me in my life to perhaps stop asking for peace and start looking for it. I believe it is time for me to actively work on those emotions that I cast so easily aside in my disappointment and anger in the beginning. That never easy task of retracing steps to find what Iíve missed, clean up my mess and tie up loose ends until I can see things more clearly. It isnít a place I want to go, back to those depths of emotion I have buried, but my spirit is anxious, in need of answers and it lies within me restless to begin this search. Iím not sure if I will come to terms with it all or anything for that matter because I have my own stubborn strong resolve that I use as a shield when the storm comes, but I will try, and perhaps along my backward travel I will learn something, change something or accept something like I have done a thousand times over the past 20 months. My only fear now is that a venture of this size might just change me.

"Thereís a spirit of a storm in my soul
A restlessness that I canít seem to tame
Thunder and lightning follow everywhere I go
Thereís a spirit of a storm in my soul.

Thereís a hurricane thatís raging through my blood
I canít find a way to calm the sea
Maybe Iíll find someday the waters arenít so rushed
Right now theyíve got the best of me
And oh, itís been a long, long time
Since I had real peace of mind
So Iím just going to sit right here
In this old chair till this storm rolls by.

Oh, maybe itís just the way I am
Maybe I wonít ever change
So Iím just going to sit right here
In this old chair and just soak up the rain.

Thereís a spirit of a storm in my soul
Every time I think itís gone away
Dark clouds gather, that old wind begins to blow
The sunís going to shine someday I hope
Thereís a spirit of a storm in my soul, in my soul."

Artist: Chesney Kenny
Song: Spirit Of A Storm
Album: Lucky Old Sun

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