Sometimes when I am somewhere familiar I find my mind playing games with me. I am not sure if they are games of protection, comfort, or just my mind doing what it is used to. When I am at home I expect to see J.T. coming down the stairs…when I set the table I still set his place. Today I was at his elementary school and I watched the fourth grade pour out of their classes into the cafeteria. I didn’t watch with sadness or remorse but with anticipation. The anticipation that any moment he would emerge into the crowd of round happy faces. When he doesn’t appear I have almost a moment of panic, then I remember…he won’t be there. Change is so difficult to accept on a small scale, so I can only imagine losing a piece of yourself would take a bit longer. I don’t know if I will move into a place of acceptance or if these expectations will remain with me for eternity.