We all grieve so differently some find comfort in solitude; to others it’s a sense of community. Silence gives some of us a way to deal with our emotions while others need to verbally expel the pain. I’m not sure if there is a right way to grieve. I know that even when we find ourselves dealing with the exact same loss the differences in the experience can be astronomical. We cannot pull grief out of our pocket and try to compare it to someone else’s. The jagged and torn corners will not fit together no matter how we force them. Perhaps the greatest gift we can give someone’s grief is acceptance, choosing to see the beauty in the difference, holding it even though it is damp with endless tears and crimson stained with pain. Understanding the way we each fold and carry it differently, knowing its there when we choose not to show it and deeply respecting it when we do.


No greater burden can be borne by an individual than to know that no one cares or understands. Aurthur H. Stainback

“Sorrows are our best educators. A person can see further through a tear than a telescope.” Lord Byron


I read this quote yesterday over coffee and I started thinking about what this sorrow has taught me. I have been trying to reach back and realize how it has changed my priorities and my relationships. I know that my vision has definitely expanded in a way that helps me see things I previously chose to ignore like how certain people I never knew or expected are now my greatest source of comfort and the people I depended on before for comfort have quietly disappeared. It has also changed what I choose to see in each day as well, no longer taking the small details of life for granted but actively cramming them into my memory knowing one day they will prove to be my most precious possession. However above all this I have found that the most valuable lesson I learned is about myself. I have discovered that I have a strength that drives me forward. I believe that this hidden strength lies within us all in a box marked “ IN CASE OF EMERGENCIES” Here’s hoping you never have to open it but it’s bursting at the seams if you do.

To my dearest family, some things I'd like to say...
but first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.
I'm writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above.
Here, there's no more tears of sadness; here is just eternal love.

Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight.
Remember that I'm with you every morning, noon and night.
That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through,
God picked me up and hugged me and He said, "I welcome you."

It's good to have you back again; you were missed while you were gone.
As for your dearest family, they'll be here later on.
I need you here badly; you're part of my plan.
There's so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man."

God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do.
And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.
And when you lie in bed at night, the day's chores put to flight.
God and I are closest to you....in the middle of the night.

When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving years
because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears.
But do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain.
Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.

I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned.
But if I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand.
But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is o'er.
I'm closer to you now, than I ever was before.

There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb;
but together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too...
that as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.

If you can help somebody who's in sorrow and pain,
then you can say to God at night......"My day was not in vain."
And now I am contented....that my life has been worthwhile,
knowing as I passed along the way, I made somebody smile.

So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low,
just lend a hand to pick him up, as on your way you go.
When you're walking down the street, and you've got me on your mind;
I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.

And when it's time for you to go.... from that body to be free,
remember you're not going.....you're coming here to me.

Ruth Ann Mahaffey (author)
©Copyright 1998-2007
http://www.ruthann1.com

In search of answers to the questions in my mind I force myself to reach out and try to find someone experiencing this life the way I am. I haven’t yet found that person. I’m not sure if I will stumble upon someone who will offer up the right words or the “magic” pill or if it will be a collection of comfort that I gather from many that will ultimately end my query. My journey along this path reminds me of a story of a woman who was looking for healing after the death of her child. She was told that to accomplish this she needed to find a mustard seed from a household that had never known sorrow. She traveled the world in vain, never finding such a household, but found instead- understanding, compassion, friendship, and truth.

Through reading this you have been invited to take a journey to the innermost depths of my core. You see me here looking whole on the outside not knowing the bent and gnarled woman that lies below the surface in a place where pain hangs on lines like laundry. The blood on it washed out by the backwash from the littered streets attempting to air dry in a never-ending gray mist of emotion. A place where I wander with a wishful spirit praying for a non-existent rainbow in front of an imaginary golden sun. You have joined me on a cold and treacherous journey through the worst possible place a mother can reside, a world without her child.