Heidi's Blog

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  • 2010
    • November
      • Remember to Remind Me…
        11/07/10
        Around here we always say to each other “Don’t forget to remind me…” It’s a running joke. Don’t forget to remind me to pick Kenny up or put the mail in the mail box. If I forget to do something then I can just brush it off and say “Well you didn’t remember to remind me!” Sometimes as I am enjoying t

      • Still Here…
        11/04/10
        Where have I been? Obviously up to my elbows in poopy diapers and goopy baby food enjoying the distraction for perhaps too long… But that’s the easy answer isn’t it? It’s been three years since J.T.’s death and I find myself sitting here with the computer in my lap watching the cursor blink… blink…

  • 2009
    • September
      • A Poem From Pop...
        09/21/09

        The Lord once sent an angel down
        For all of us to share
        A gorgeous little baby boy,
        Blue eyes and golden hair


        We held him close and nurtured him
        With hugs and food and love
        We all were so in awe
        Of this gift from up above


        God pr

    • August
      • CBS NEWS STORY !
        08/04/09
        Aug. 4, 2009
        Trendy Off-Road Vehicle Poses Deadly Risk CBS News Investigation Reveals
        More Than 400 Death and Injury Lawsuits Related to Yamaha Rhino
        (CBS) It's like a muscle-car for the backcountry - the hottest trend in
        off-road vehicles. But a four-month CBS News investi

    • June
      • Two Years and One Adventurous Spirit
        06/24/09
        I have learned that two years without my Son brings no more peace than it does pain. In my constant battle, with one or the other perpetually crashing into me, I have discovered a new wave of sorts. This one doesn’t slam into me, and the others in grief around me, but it consumes us. I can’t put my

      • What might have been?
        06/15/09
        At one it was all smiles and four teeth to skin a pea. He didn’t speak to us at all only pointed and held his bottle with his feet. Then came two and it was dogs and trucks, everything was a dog or a truck, the fireplace, mom’s cat, the garden hose anything could fit into one of those two categories

    • May
      • Rewind
        05/20/09
        This is the time of year when I feel lost in a deep and heavy sadness. I keep reliving a time only two short years ago. It was the end of the school year and the kids were excited. We spent our time preparing for end of the year activities, Field Day, Awards Ceremonies, the last day of school, and m

      • The Wrong Things To Say?
        05/14/09
        Here is a subject that I haven’t yet touched upon but I seem to struggle with, especially as of late. Words. Now this blog isn’t referring to the people that walk up and say “I know how you feel, my dog Duke died last summer…” Let’s just assume those people are missing a chromosome, chalk that up to

    • April
      • A Beautiful Gift
        04/30/09


        Kirby Crow did this watercolor portrait of J.T. Jeremy e-mailed it to me this morning. When I opened the picture I found it fascinating that Kirby was able to capture the joy in J.T.’s face. That joy was always there and it was contagious. What a beautiful gift.



      • Confidently Coping?
        04/28/09
        The days are seemingly passing by a little slower now I’m not sure if it is the anticipation of school being over soon or the sheer lack of excitement lately. Spring came in with such a burst this year the process could hardly be enjoyed. It was like being lost in a swirl of activity so visually int

      • Unfinished Business
        04/07/09
        As the days roll by since our “little victory” I find myself renewed in hope, a hope that people banded together by similar tragedies can make a difference in this world, but the shadow of winter still covers the warmth of the sun allowing it to only partially thaw my heart. I celebrate this step in

      • It’s Not Over!
        04/02/09
        As great as the news is that Yamaha has decided to admit some of there design flaws and offered to correct some of the problems IT’S NOT OVER YET! Yes, some of the problems are being fixed but the Rhino’s still have inadequate seatbelts that DO NOT hold an occupant in securely and the roll bar remai

    • March
      • NEWS from CPSC!!!!!!
        03/31/09
        NEWS from CPSC
        U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission
        Office of Information and Public Affairs Washington, DC 20207

        --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
        FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
        March 31, 2009
        Release #09-172 CPSC Recall

      • A Way Toward Change…
        03/25/09
        I had an opportunity this week to speak to our communities Civic Club. I was able to share J.T.’s story to a group of women who have children and grandchildren and share some of my journey through grief. During the speech I remembered something President Bill Clinton said during a Memorial Ceremony

      • What Will Matter
        03/22/09
        What Will Matter
        Michael Josephson


        Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.

        There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days. All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten will pass to someone else.

        Your wealth

      • Week 2: Where I Find God
        03/07/09
        I see God all over and I definitely believe he is found in nature. I look around and I see the colors he created like the blue of the ocean, the green of the trees, and the orange in the sunset. Beautiful pure colors that surpass imagination and show us that God is real and all around us, but as of

    • February
      • “Zen Heidi”…Not Quite Yet!
        02/23/09
        My Mom tells me all the time “The minute you set your mind to something all the negatives hit you in the face.” Ok Mom as much as I hate to admit it… you’re right. Here I am on my quest for peace and who should show up banging on my door but Anger himself. I swing open the door to confront that gna

      • Week 1: Accept The Challenge Assess The Situation
        02/19/09
        The challenge I set before myself in the below blog “Spirit Of A Storm” is one I choose to accept, to find peace. Peace I believe is personal and unique to each of us, to me it is a feeling, a feeling I can only describe as sitting on a beach facing the water with my toes in the warm sand and the rh

      • Spirit Of A Storm
        02/17/09
        These past few days I have definitely felt like I am being challenged to discover my feelings about God and the murder of my son. Challenged through those close to me in my life to perhaps stop asking for peace and start looking for it. I believe it is time for me to actively work on those emotions

      • I Knew It!
        02/13/09
        I heard that song this morning “Rose Colored Glasses” you had your part, I had mine and we would sing in the car and the top of our lungs, instead of changing it laughing through my tears, I sang for you…Like I knew I would.

        I went to the store today just to pick up a few things we neede

      • Do You Ever?
        02/12/09
        I am downstairs sitting in my recliner watching TV. The recliner is in our little living room right at the base of the stairs. Sometimes I can see J.T. just out of the corner of my eye coming down. I hear the squeak of the third stair and see a flash of blonde shaggy hair. I find myself washed in a

      • For Andrew...
        02/10/09
        Today I post for Andrew Bahl, the beautiful angel who was taken by the Yamaha Rhino on August 24th, 2008 at three years old. His Mother has told me some about that day and their story sounds all too familiar with phrases like “This means so much to have Andrew out there and for people to realize t

      • IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER...
        02/09/09
        I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

        I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

        I would have taken the t

      • Behind the Scenes
        02/02/09
        The show goes on…wake up, drink coffee. Make breakfast, take a shower but inside my mind she screams. This grieving mother screams, searching for her baby racked with despair and no ability to set aside her terror or pain. “I hear you” I say sometimes aloud into the air, in hopes to calm her for a

    • January
      • What is Normal after your child dies?
        01/30/09
        Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize someone important is missing from all the important events in your
        family's life.

        Normal is trying to decide what to do for Birthdays, X-mas, Thanksgiving, New Years, Valentine's Day, July 4th. Or not to

      • Welcome Sorrow...
        01/14/09
        I keep trying to communicate my feelings of being left behind. Struggling with the loneliness of my loss. Words cant describe the emotions of this emptiness, it’s like I got off at the wrong stop or maybe missed the bus all together. Loss, I know in the beginning there were others here with me. We

      • Understanding...
        01/10/09
        Yesterday on cnn.com there was a report about John Travolta and the loss of his sixteen year old son. That story inspired other parents to tell their stories of the loss of a child. Reading through them is sad, however in this stage of grief for me I actually found it comforting that there are other

      • Like Minds
        01/05/09
        This Holiday season my family and I had an opportunity to visit with the Presgrove family of Jackson Tennessee. It was perhaps a pilgrimage seeking understanding. This family was also affected by the Rhino when Grant Presgrove who was a passenger on one suffered severe leg injuries less than one mo

  • 2008
    • December
      • Christmas From The Heart
        12/25/08
        Christmas From The Heart


        by Judy Burnette



        I heard your voice in the wind today
        and I turned to see your face;
        The warmth of the wind caressed me
        as I stood silently in place.

        I felt your touch in the sun today
        as its warmth fill

      • Stepping Stones
        12/15/08
        The Lord came to me like a dream one day and asked, why do you sorrow
        I answered, Lord my life is so full of pain, I can’t face one more tomorrow.

        The Lord sat down beside me, and gently took my hand.
        He said, Let me explain to you and then you’ll understand.

        Each sor

      • Whats Love Got To Do With It?
        12/12/08
        Love isn’t always a butterflies in your stomach, abandoned all logic feeling of angst. The older I get, and perhaps just a little wiser, I have discovered that love doesn’t come at you with a feeling of uneasiness. It can be as simple as a conversation with someone in a red hat leaning on a fence on

      • Bah Humbug!
        12/10/08
        I know, I know I have heard, read, and been told that everyone grieves differently. People all experiencing the same loss can move away from the pain and toward acceptance more swiftly than others and each one of us find a place for this tremendous loss in our own time. Sounds great in theory but as

    • November
      • What I Know...And What I Don't...
        11/18/08
        The lessons I have learned over the past seventeen months are many. I’m not sure however if any of them are useful. I know now that it takes two hours to paint a bedroom and that the detailed work makes a wonderful distraction from life’s torments. I know that it takes a week to read a book and you

      • Still Learning...
        11/09/08
        I was realizing yesterday just how many of life’s little celebrations have become obstacles. J.T died on Friday . Friday, once a day of relief for the end of the week, is now an obstacle that I must pack up my trunk of existence and overcome. His Birthday, September 19th, Halloween, Thanksgiving, C

      • Yamaha Rhino Accidents Prompt CPSC Investigation
        11/05/08
        “This week a story about the Rhino ran front page in the Wall Street Journal . There have been several Spin-offs of that story running in papers today. I am pleased that it is bringing awareness to the accidents and deaths caused by the Rhino. Hopefully this awareness will help save other families f

    • October
      • The Rhino Strikes Again!
        10/29/08
        Victorville man dies in ATV accident


        October 27, 2008 - 12:22PM
        FROM STAFF REPORTS
        ADELANTO • A 56-year-old man died when his all-terrain vehicle rolled and dragged him through the open desert north of Adelanto, officials said.

        Mikhail Ayrapetyan of Victorvill

      • Horrible News
        10/21/08
        Memphis Commercial Appeal
        Families, schools mourn girls killed in ATV crash

        By Yolanda Jones (Contact), Memphis Commercial Appeal
        Tuesday, October 21, 2008

        The families, friends and schools of two 11-year-old girls killed over the weekend
        in an ATV accident strug

      • One Step at a Time
        10/21/08
        I have been fortunate enough to be able to tell J.T.’s story and the stories of other victims quite a bit lately. It is a healing process, I believe, to tell people in a position of power exactly what the Rhino has cost me and others. I know that as I methodically climb this ladder eventually in the

      • Locked up
        10/15/08
        “Dreams, ideas, and plans not only are an escape, they give me purpose, a reason to hang on.”


        Life happens when I want it to and when I don’t. I seem to be locked up in a heap of confusion that needs sorting , the weight of the task is too much, and the days click by. I am not s

      • Remember to remember...
        10/02/08
        I think of J.T. every moment of everyday. He is in, I think, the foremost of all of our thoughts. The memories collectively make a real chapter in the book of our lives. Lately I have found myself needing more. More memories and stories I don’t have. The children and I were talking yesterday on our

      • WARNING!
        10/02/08
        A friend sent me this e mail containing a more accurate warning label. Imagine if this were on the “Death Machine”?





        WARNING

        When riding this ATV, UTV, Side By Side, or whatever we choose to refer to it as at this time we wanted you to keep in mind the

    • September
      • Shattered
        09/22/08
        It’s been a while since I have posted. Perhaps because I have just been shattered. It seems to me now that every emotional bump in the road just breaks me, once again, into a million pieces. J.T.’s 11th birthday was on the 19th and ever since I have been sitting in the dark trying to work this infu

      • My Children...My Teachers
        09/09/08
        I have taught my children so many things though out the years. The simple things, how to brush their teeth, go potty, tie their shoes, say please and thank you. But these things pale in comparison to what my children have taught me. From my oldest, Madison, I have learned to hold my chin up high in

      • Look Ma...No Hands!
        09/04/08
        I had this familiar dream last night. One where I’m on a roller coaster and it’s clacking to the top of the first hill, my knuckles are white from gripping the safety bar in front of me. I am beginning to hyperventilate from my inability to see the course ahead when I wake up panting. But not this

      • The Boy And A Starfish
        09/02/08

        One day an old man was walking along the beach in the early morning and noticed the tide had washed thousands of starfish up on the shore. Up ahead in the distance he spotted a boy who appeared to be gathering up the starfish and one by one tossing them back into the ocean.

        He ap

    • August
      • Heartbreaking...
        08/25/08
        How can this continue to happen? I approached this week with a sense of hope and while my hope sits flickering in the background my sense of urgency has come center stage due to the deaths of 8 year old Lane McCloud and now 3 year old Andrew Bahl. It’s an all to familiar and infuriating case of a

      • Another Tragedy
        08/19/08
        My heart is saddened this morning to receive the news that Lane McCloud age 8 died this past weekend in a Rhino roll over. Their story is so similar to ours and prayers for the family are continuous.



        Texas boy dies in Rhino rollover
        August 18th, 2008 by Wendi Lewis
      • For Ellie...
        08/12/08
        Two of my closest friends are people that I have never set eyes on. It is our unfortunate circumstances that threw us together in this world. Circumstances I think we would all agree that we would give up everyone we know or everything we have to reverse. They too have lost a child, Ellie. Recent

    • July
      • Looking For Possibility
        07/19/08
        What you look for in life you will surely find, but which direction you look is up to you.
        -Arthur Gordon


        There is no way out, only a way forward. - Michael Hollingsworth


        I have been railing at this thick steel

      • Fight For Me
        07/09/08
        Fight for me because I no longer can
        Let your mouth say my words
        And your hands be my hands


        Use your life to make this world a better place for all
        Walk each step as I would walk
        I will lift you up when you fall


        Tell my story as only you can wit

      • Question Everything?
        07/06/08
        One's first step in wisdom is to question everything - and one's last is to come to terms with everything.
        - Georg Christoph Lichtenberg


        I’m not exactly sure if we ever come to terms with the loss of a child or if we as human beings can comprehend the unknown.

    • June
      • Possibility
        06/30/08
        I woke up early this morning before the hum of traffic on the Seawall could obstruct a view of the baby blue and orange sky touching the deep blue of the ocean on the horizon. I watched the white capped waves roll in while the seagulls hungrily squawked good morning. The crash of the waves momentari

      • A Tribute
        06/27/08
        The first person that arrived to help my family on the night of J.T.'s accident was a Game Warden named Ellis Powell. He wrote this letter to J.T. for the one year anniversary of his death. I found it a touching tribute to my son and wanted to share it...


        JT,

        I just

      • One Year and One Day.
        06/23/08
        I sit here today one year and one day past the horrific moment I lost my Son. For once the anticipation of the day didn’t overpower the emotion and did nothing to warn me of the heartache I would feel. Yesterday I went to the site of J.T.’s accident , I stood there and watched my Dad place a sandst

      • Most Beautiful Things...
        06/18/08
        There is so many things I wish J.T. could have seen and experienced. As I look around I try to see things the way he would of, with love of nature, compassion and joy. With the pain in my heart this task is not an easy one and I miss him endlessly.



        The best and most beautiful

      • Remembering
        06/08/08
        This is a picture that my daughter Madison took at the lake on my birthday. When I look at it I see our lives as we live them now, constantly looking back at something beautiful.

      • Why We Fight
        06/03/08
        Here I sit in so much pain
        Understanding is what I hope to gain


        Waiting for the pain to cease
        Praying for a sweet release


        But here I do not sit alone
        It seems that my community has grown


        They all arrive those who understand
        Gathe

      • Uphill Battle
        06/03/08
        I have clawed my way up to what I thought was a mountain only to look back and discover a hill. I am still not sure what I thought a year would heal for me. It stood in my mind like a magic number however as that number approaches I have learned that 365 days will not cure my grief. It’s almost humo

    • May
      • True Strength
        05/25/08
        Life pushes and pulls at the strength that remains in an attempt to knock me over. However it has failed to realize that I do not merely stand upon this Earth, I have through shear will managed to grow roots from my soul that run deep into the ground giving me the power to sway with the fury of the

      • Downpour of Emotion
        05/19/08
        The green of the sky foreshadows the inevitable…the gray and purple clouds once again joining together overhead. The lightning flashes and the thunder clacks its ever to familiar warning as I stand in wait of another downpour of emotion. Rapidly trying to find a place to file away each feeling as th

      • Bittersweet Gifts
        05/13/08
        Often throughout grief I struggle with the thought of J.T.’s significance. His importance is quite obvious to those of us who loved and knew him intimately, but it is a great gift to me when others who’s life he shared still carry with them a piece of my precious child. Yesterday at J.T.’s elementa

      • Quotations
        05/10/08
        If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden.
        - Attributed to Claudia Ghandi


        The dead cannot cry out for justice; it is the duty of the living to do so for them.
        - Lois McMaster Bujold

      • With Sorrow
        05/04/08
        As the shards of sand in the hourglass gently tumble down to the other side counting down the moments to Mother’s Day I find myself once again wrenched by that all too familiar pain. I know that I will always be “J.T.’s Mom” but that fact gives me no comfort in having to face the day without his phy

    • April
      • For Richie...
        04/29/08
        It seems to have been a while since I felt like posting and letting everyone in. Life's seas have become turbulent filling my little boat up with water and I was busy bailing but, as always, the situation once again becomes manageable and I can see and feel the sun. I have been receiving so man

      • Precious Parade
        04/15/08
        As the stories of the victims of the Rhino pour in through my website, just as rapidly, they run through my mind. No longer nameless faceless stories that I have “heard” about. Every night as I lay in bed staring at my ceiling they come to me one by one obstructing my line of vision and introduced t

      • Our Little Ghost
        04/14/08
        Oft in the silence of the night, When the lonely moon rides high, When wintry winds are whistling, And we hear the owl's shrill cry, In the quiet, dusky chamber, By the flickering firelight, Rising up between two sleepers, Comes a spirit all in white.
        A winsome little ghost it is, Rosy-ch

      • For Dani....
        04/09/08
        Recently through this website I met a man named Bob Brenends. I consider him a kindred spirit and a valiant warrior in the effort to right this wrong. He has made great strides in warning others of the dangers of the Rhino by sharing what happened to his eighteen year old daughter Danielle. He wrote

      • Covering Up
        04/05/08
        We all walk around covered in these unique patchwork jackets of grief; they are a collection of memories of moments of precious gifts and painful regrets. We arrange them in our own way, cram them together to make them fit, to make them cover our fragile forms. In the beginning I was so consumed wi

      • Searching
        04/05/08
        I am spending a lot of time now with bloody palms and bruised kneecaps from stumbling around on my earthbound search for comfort. My mind knows, but my heart refuses to accept, the fact that my relief is no longer an earthbound treasure. I manage to crawl through my days somehow momentarily regainin

    • March
      • Spring Forward....
        03/25/08
        Today the wind is blowing through with great force swirling and clacking the trees together knocking off the signs autumn has left behind. On the fence post in front of me the birds sit and sing a tune of “it’s coming! It’s coming!” Like little flowers girls before the bride they warn of spring’s ar

      • Missing You....
        03/09/08
        Everyday the pain grows and manifests itself differently. I have been feeling so numb with it. I have the memories of J.T. swirling in my head at such a rapid rate lately, his smile remains in the forefront and I desperately want to touch his face. It seemed to start when it snowed last week. It hit

      • Take A Journey With Me?.....
        03/02/08
        Walk with me through a jungle of carnage fear not for I will hold your hand. We will climb high atop this big red beast of anger for a unique vantage point as we travel throughout this tour. Here you will see the lives destroyed by this tragedy. Little people who were held so dear ripped from the ar

    • February
      • When does it stop?
        02/27/08
        This article was pulled from www.rhinorolloverandrecall.com it is a testament to just how frequent these accidents are happening. Please read it and pass it on to others. We will continue to pray for these victims and continue to spread the word on the dangerous and deadly Yamaha Rhino.

        <

      • Prayer Request for Others
        02/18/08
        Here are a few exerts from some of the stories I have been told, we ask for prayer not only for our own loss but also for these other victims:



        “I am so sorry about J.T., your story has brought tears to my eyes. I want to commend you on your mission to prevent this from happen

      • A Note In My Pocket
        02/17/08
        We all grieve so differently some find comfort in solitude; to others it’s a sense of community. Silence gives some of us a way to deal with our emotions while others need to verbally expel the pain. I’m not sure if there is a right way to grieve. I know that even when we find ourselves dealing with

      • Sorrows Are...
        02/07/08
        “Sorrows are our best educators. A person can see further through a tear than a telescope.” Lord Byron


        I read this quote yesterday over coffee and I started thinking about what this sorrow has taught me. I have been trying to reach back and realize how it has changed my priorities

      • A Poem
        02/07/08
        To my dearest family, some things I'd like to say...
        but first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.
        I'm writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above.
        Here, there's no more tears of sadness; here is just eternal love.

        Please do not be unhappy

    • January
      • The Collector
        01/29/08
        In search of answers to the questions in my mind I force myself to reach out and try to find someone experiencing this life the way I am. I haven’t yet found that person. I’m not sure if I will stumble upon someone who will offer up the right words or the “magic” pill or if it will be a collection o

      • What lies beneath....
        01/22/08
        Through reading this you have been invited to take a journey to the innermost depths of my core. You see me here looking whole on the outside not knowing the bent and gnarled woman that lies below the surface in a place where pain hangs on lines like laundry. The blood on it washed out by the backwa

      • Fanning The Flame
        01/22/08
        I have grown rather weary of trying to unfold myself from this pain and decipher who I am now. Each emotion is so enormous that by the time I crawl to the top of it and conquer it, night has fallen, and there is no time left to enjoy the victory. I ask myself “How many days can I fight and win this

      • Costly Wisdom
        01/14/08
        The death of J.T. has purchased me a new perspective. The daily details of life that normally would have affected me like boulders being heaved at my head now seem as insignificant as the bite of a mosquito. I have a new ability to know that no matter what is happening now it could be worse, much wo

      • Incomplete
        01/11/08
        Whenever I stop and really think about J.T. and try to truly focus on what feelings his memories invoke I continue coming to the same conclusion… the feeling I get is complete. I have had so many emotions since his loss anger, confusion, desperation but the one feeling I long to feel, complete, only

      • My Constant Companion
        01/08/08
        Although it has become the one thing I can count on, grief morphs itself into someone or something different so often that I wake up with a dismal sense of anticipation. I find myself not knowing what form it will take, however I know with dreadful certainty that it will, as always, be there. Someti

      • Irreplaceable
        01/04/08
        He was outside on one of his inevetable treasure hunts with a plastic cup collecting icicles and looking for frozen pools of water, finding his bounty in my Mom's birdbath. Stripping off his gloves, so he would be able to handle and feel the ice. J.T. patiently removed it from its frozen vessel

  • 2007
    • December
      • Memory Medicine
        12/22/07
        As thoughts of J.T. bud and blossom in my head like tender roses in spring I find my self wanting to share these memories with others. Sometimes I want to share them with someone who experienced those moments with me but often times I want to paint them in vivid color on a fresh canvas, someone who

      • As long as there's a Christmas....
        12/18/07
        As Long as There's a Christmas
        The first few lights glow brightly,
        as you watch the season start.
        You know you should be happy,
        but don't feel it in your heart.

        Instead you think about a time
        when someone laughed with you,
        and the love you sha

      • Christmas Present
        12/18/07
        Christmas was once a busy time of preparation and celebration for us, it brought joy to our home in the form of shiny wrapped packages, twinkling lights and laughter. This year our house is draped in sadness. I refused to put up a tree because the thought of facing it everyday, a constant reminder

      • Tick- Tock
        12/16/07
        In the last six months it seems as though my old companion time has now become my arch nemesis. On the hard days time crawls by me like a sick rabid animal trying to find his final resting place. On the mild days it is fleeting like a humming bird buzzing by in search of precious nectar. Time no lon

      • Expectations
        12/10/07
        Sometimes when I am somewhere familiar I find my mind playing games with me. I am not sure if they are games of protection, comfort, or just my mind doing what it is used to. When I am at home I expect to see J.T. coming down the stairs…when I set the table I still set his place. Today I was at his

      • Decisions Decisions
        12/03/07
        I find that grief has now pushed me into the dank bowels of a dark cave. I am alone, cold and afraid. The familiar to me now seems strange and the once comforting details of my life seem insignificant. I know longer waste the days dreaming of the future because it has become overwhelming. The past i

    • November
      • Dear J.T.,
        11/27/07
        Dear J.T.,

        Your presence here is felt everyday. You move me through the desolate days by gently nudging me to experience life for you. Your words often ring like beautiful music in my ears. Your heart beats as one with mine in perfect timing. You help me to face the fears your absence bri

      • Trapped
        11/26/07
        My grief is now like a glass cage that surrounds me and contains only the bare essentials to sustain life. There is nothing inside to take for granted and nothing to waste. People can come peer in and gaze at the magnitude of my situation but are not allowed entrance to comfort, assist, or truly und

      • Revelation
        11/20/07
        The things we take for granted along this journey end up being the things we value the most. The little insignificant details of life don’t matter much day to day but when they are gone we long for them. Replaying tiny moments over and over again in our minds… A smile, a hug, a conversation. We real

      • Just Do It
        11/18/07
        “ This is not my life”. I had this revelation on Thursday morning when I was sitting across the desk from an engineer who was explaining the Static Stability Factor to me. I drove five hours to see him in an effort to try and comprehend how this accident could happen to J.T., to understand the nume

      • Match Point
        11/11/07
        In my mind is an ongoing tennis match. I am constantly lobbing my worries to the other side of my mind sending them momentarily out of my control only to have them come screaming back across the net at me seconds later. I am not sure who occupies the court on the opposing side but they have a hell o

      • Treasure Hunt
        11/08/07
        I find myself continuing to compare the loss of J.T. to surviving a fire. Now granted I have never had to survive a fire but I can imagine what it might be like. Walking around sifting through great mountains of charred debris trying to find things to put into a box marked “treasures”. Looking despe

      • Perch of Denial
        11/07/07
        The dictionary defines the word denial as a psychological defense mechanism in which confrontation with a personal problem or with reality is avoided. However I think a better definition for denial is the most common form of self-preservation humans’ use. I know that denial plays a large part in th

      • Tough Times
        11/04/07
        Today my feelings range somewhere between angry and hopeless. I know these emotions will not take up permanent residence in me because I am like a broken piece of china held together with Band-Aids and super glue. Whatever fills up this vessel eventually trickles out. A while ago my Sister-in-law ga

    • October
      • My Tree Of Life
        10/28/07
        I couldn’t sleep last night I was up early and I found comfort sitting and looking out at the trees. With Autumn upon us their leaves begin to change from the usual deep green to shades of orange, red, and brown and as the breeze comes they gently release from their branches and float to the ground

      • Adding up
        10/23/07
        I was handed a stack of another 20 incidents involving the Yamaha Rhino. So far there have been too many injuries to count and the death toll is rising. The stability of the Rhino has been compared to that of a bar stool by The Engineering Institute and yet nothing has been done. We suffer at the ha

      • Bubba's Angels
        10/22/07
        The ATV Awareness Walk this Saturday was a great success! We had the opportunity to spread the word on the dangers of the Yamaha Rhino and let people know the damage this ATV is causing. The J.T. Crow Memorial Fund along with our organization Bubba’s Angels had the opportunity to present our first t

      • For You
        10/17/07
        I spend a lot of time on J.T.'s website hoping that people are finding it and reading it. I know that by learning our tragic story on the website, where just today the hits have surpassed 1500, or at one of our events than you have gained the knowledge to keep this from happening to your family

      • Before and After
        10/14/07
        Living with me now is no small feat, just ask my kids. Our afternoon conversations have gone from “Do you guys want chicken or meatloaf for dinner?” to “Over 100 children die annually from All Terrain Vehicle accidents. What would you do to help decrease that number?” and as I stare into the blank f

      • Making Time
        10/10/07
        I was reading this morning and praying for inspiration for today when my phone rang. Sometimes I sit in the quiet house thinking about J.T. and thinking about the cause and I let the machine get it. However this morning I wasn’t feeling anything but sadness and the ringing was a welcomed distraction

      • Making a difference
        10/09/07
        You don’t need a lot to make a change in this world. I have learned through this awesome loss that sometimes all it takes is a good light to see what you may have normally missed, the courage to have a conversation you would normally avoid, and a few great friends that support you in all you are try

      • A little inspiration.
        10/03/07
        “Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm... As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands. One for helping yourself, the other for helping others.”
        Audrey Hepburn


        “What do we live for, if it is n

      • Where there's a will.........
        10/02/07
        As the walk approaches I am truly beginning to see the importance of what we are walking for. We are not only walking for awareness but for those that can no longer walk for themselves. For the lives that the Yamaha Rhino and other ATV's have erased away or forever changed. I want to walk for J

      • "Knock knock.....Is this thing on?"
        10/01/07
        Seven year old girl injured in Rhino accident, emergency surgery on her arm ,knee, and ankle, 7 surgeries to right foot. Eighteen year old girl dies November 26, 2006 in Rhino accident. Ten year old girl dies when she was ejected from the Yamaha Rhino Delton, Michigan. Dwight Grimes has to choose to

    • September
      • Living in Others
        09/30/07
        Yesterday I watched a young man on J.T.'s football team score a touchdown and as he ran by me on the sideline I saw my son. I saw his long stride and his beautiful smile. It warms my heart to know that the people in my life carry J.T. with them just as I do. I try to see the world in the same w

      • Looking toward the future......
        09/23/07
        Anyone who has ever lost someone tells you "all the first are the hardest". As the holidays approach I am finding this to be so true. I went shopping Friday and they had Christmas trees up already. As I looked at the trees and the thoughts filled my head (and poured out of my eyes) I reali

      • Song added today: Skillet - Rebirthing
        09/22/07
        I lie here paralytic
        Inside this soul
        Screaming to you till
        My throat is numb


        I wanna break out, I need a way out
        I don't believe that it's gotta be this way
        The worst is, the waiting
        In this room I'm suffocating


        Feel you

      • Baloons for Bubba
        09/20/07

      • Put so well.....
        09/20/07
        At the finest level of my being, You're still with me.
        We still look at each other at that level beyond sight.
        We talk and laugh with each other on a level beyond touch.
        We share time together in a place where time stands still.
        We are still together on a level called love.<

      • Happy Birthday Baby.
        09/18/07
        Happy Birthday J.T. Everyday without you is a river of pain. Sometimes it flows gently and just the sound of it reminds me your gone, sometimes its like the rapids and I fight and struggle just to keep from drowning. I am so grateful for your brother and sister because in them I see what your were a

      • Walk For Awareness
        09/16/07
        Anyone who would like to come and walk for those who have been killed or injured in an ATV accident is welcome to do so. If you are not nearby and would like your loved one represented please let me know. We will have people on hand to walk for you. All we need is a picture and a name.

      • Knowledge is Power
        09/13/07
        I have recently noticed that an article about the lawsuit has made it on to some of the ATV websites. People are posting it and asking for comments. The comments included remarks like “They have no right to sue…they should live with there mistakes” or “deal with there actions”. Consider this…isn’t t

      • Bubba's Birthday
        09/12/07
        One week from today on September 19th J.T. would be turning 10 years old. As the day approaches I find myself with so much to say to him. I have decided that for his Birthday I will send my messages to him in hellium balloons. Anyone who wants to do the same can e-mail me the message and I will make

      • J.T.
        09/10/07
        I have decided that it is J.T.'s compassion that is driving me to reach out and tell this story. As a Mom we are responsible for sharing with other mothers what we learn along this journey of parenthood. I know that Bubba would want us all to reach out, spread the word and keep this from happen

      • How do we stop this?????
        09/09/07
        Today I went for a walk and saw a mother riding a 4 wheeler with her child. The baby had to be only 3 years old. Right here in Winnsboro?? I was shocked. I shared J.T.'s story with her but the whole time I was thinking how can this be happening here?? Ive been concerned about reaching as many p