Heidi's Blog

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    • December
    • November
      • Dear J.T.,
        Dear J.T.,

        Your presence here is felt everyday. You move me through the desolate days by gently nudging me to experience life for you. Your words often ring like beautiful music in my ears. Your heart beats as one with mine in perfect timing. You help me to face the fears your absence bri

      • Trapped
        My grief is now like a glass cage that surrounds me and contains only the bare essentials to sustain life. There is nothing inside to take for granted and nothing to waste. People can come peer in and gaze at the magnitude of my situation but are not allowed entrance to comfort, assist, or truly und

      • Revelation
        The things we take for granted along this journey end up being the things we value the most. The little insignificant details of life don’t matter much day to day but when they are gone we long for them. Replaying tiny moments over and over again in our minds… A smile, a hug, a conversation. We real

      • Just Do It
        “ This is not my life”. I had this revelation on Thursday morning when I was sitting across the desk from an engineer who was explaining the Static Stability Factor to me. I drove five hours to see him in an effort to try and comprehend how this accident could happen to J.T., to understand the nume

      • Match Point
        In my mind is an ongoing tennis match. I am constantly lobbing my worries to the other side of my mind sending them momentarily out of my control only to have them come screaming back across the net at me seconds later. I am not sure who occupies the court on the opposing side but they have a hell o

      • Treasure Hunt
        I find myself continuing to compare the loss of J.T. to surviving a fire. Now granted I have never had to survive a fire but I can imagine what it might be like. Walking around sifting through great mountains of charred debris trying to find things to put into a box marked “treasures”. Looking despe

      • Perch of Denial
        The dictionary defines the word denial as a psychological defense mechanism in which confrontation with a personal problem or with reality is avoided. However I think a better definition for denial is the most common form of self-preservation humans’ use. I know that denial plays a large part in th

      • Tough Times
        Today my feelings range somewhere between angry and hopeless. I know these emotions will not take up permanent residence in me because I am like a broken piece of china held together with Band-Aids and super glue. Whatever fills up this vessel eventually trickles out. A while ago my Sister-in-law ga

    • October
    • September